Empty
by Pocky Whore
Summary: If someone asked me to describe to them the high I got from injecting drugs into my body, I wouldn’t be able to describe it. It was too intense, too fulfilling, too god damn amazing to ever describe to someone who had never done it. Sasu/Naru


**Empty**

**Chapter 1  
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I was used to the feeling of a needle breaking through the layers of my skin and sinking into a vein. It was a feeling that despite having felt many times before, felt almost new each time. It almost made me sick how good it felt. That just that slight action alone made me high, even before I released the drugs into my blood stream.

It didn't hurt anymore; I was long past feeling anything anymore. Not in my arm as I stuck the needle in, not in my veins as they gave way to the sharp instrument, and certainly not my heart from the mere fact of what I was doing. Nothing hurt anymore. I was too high to feel anything except the warmth that flooded through my body as I pushed the plunger of the syringe. It felt sickeningly the same as it did every other time I had done it, yet new and exciting at the same time. I loved the way the numbness crept up my arms, my chest, my legs, until my whole body was humming and tingling.

If someone asked me to describe to them the high I got from injecting drugs into my body, I wouldn't be able to describe it. It was too intense, too fulfilling, too god damn amazing to ever describe to someone who had never done it. That's why people like me come back. That's why people like me wreck our bodies and our minds just to shoot up. Just to feel the mind numbingly sweet pleasure that would soon course through my body.

It makes your body feel like it's not even yours, like it's detached, and although it feels great; at the same time it feels like nothing at all. Your body feels like it isn't yours, and your emotions, your thoughts, your memories; they disappear. It leaves you feeling empty, so fucking empty that it feels good. It feels good to, if even for a minuet, just not think. To just not _feel_.

To just not feel anything. And that right there ladies and gentlemen is the real reason people like me keep coming back. We don't _want_ to feel anything, especially when all we've ever felt in life is heartache and pain. It's like that empty worthless feeling right after I shoot up is the best thing I've ever felt. Simply for the fact that it feels like nothing and it is so much fucking easier to feel nothing, than to always feel pain.

I'm addicted 110% body and mind. There is no feeling in the world that could possibly surpass the mind altering high I get every time I do it. I don't even feel ashamed anymore. I don't feel guilty; I haven't felt anything in a long time now.

The worst part about the drugs, is when they are gone. After it has worked it's intoxicating effect on my body, and as the poison starts to disappear from my veins, that right there could possibly be the single worst feeling I've ever felt. As your body starts to come down, as your mind starts to awaken from it's comatose sleep and your forced to face reality, it sucks. It sucks because after feeling empty for so long, pain hurts more than it did before. The guilt starts to creep up on you, the shame threatens to smother you breathless, and it's all you can do not to cry.

And the only thing that makes it go away is to take another hit. The only way to feel empty again is to stick the needle back into your hardened veins and taint yourself even more than you already had. But it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore, except that your so high out of your mind that you can't remember your fist name, and you can't string together a sentence, or even stand. And still, it doesn't matter.

Because the Heroin feels so good, and because your mind is quite again, and that's all that ever really mattered in the first place.

My blood feels warm beneath my skin and my whole body feels like a steady low stream of electricity is being pumped through it. I can barley focus on anything, even though I'm not moving every thing's a blur. I don't even feel like any thing is real anymore. I let my head fall back against the wall, only vaguely recognizing the ceiling as that of my bathroom. The room is dim and the tiles of the floor are cold to the touch, but my body is humming and it doesn't bother me. The ceiling above me danced in and out of focus, pulsing almost, and it took all my will to concentrate on the rhythm.

I knew it wasn't real. I wasn't even sure I was real anymore. I didn't feel like myself. I didn't feel like anyone actually, and although that thought wasn't funny, it made me laugh. Just a small chuckle deep in my throat, and before I knew it my mouth was brimming over with laughter that I couldn't feel.

Slowly my eyes lost focus, and I had to close them. I took deep even breaths, following the pulse in my body that I could still feel. I tried to move, but my body was too heavy, and my head just hung down in front of me like a rag doll's. I decided then to just let the darkness take me. Being asleep was nearly the same as being awake anyway.


End file.
